I was surfing the internet the other day when an interesting article came up. The central question to it was, is losing weight necessary for you to be happy on your wedding day? I noticed that the post was written “about” women and “to” women in particular. Because of this I feel I lack the moral authority to comment on these issues.
For one I’m a man! Having been married for 5 years now, I’ve come to accept that there are some things that a man can’t fully appreciate because we haven’t lived the female experience.
Apart from that, I’m a wedding photographer so I’d probably be regarded as an accomplice to the industry that has caused so much worry to “regular” and “plus sized” women who endure a lot of body anxiety on their wedding day.
So with these sins of mine in view, I’d like to beg the forgiveness of women to allow me lend a word or two to the matter.
The original article I’m referring to is titled “Losing Weight Isn’t a Prerequisite for Wedding Day Happiness“. The article says you do not have to lose weight for your wedding, and that you should learn to love the body you have.
“23 pounds… (about 10.5kg) That was the average amount that brides-to-be wanted to lose in a study conducted by Cornell University in 2008. In a study of 272 women, 70% wanted to lose weight, some by any means necessary. Out of all the pre-wedding dieters, 40% used at least one extreme weight control behaviour such as weight loss pills, skipping meals and fasting. Of women surveyed who had already bought their bridal gowns, 14% purposely bought a wedding dress one or more sizes smaller than their then-current dress size.”
The author asked some hard questions about where the “Every Bride Must Lose Weight for the Wedding” commandment comes from.
Her answer? This idea comes from a Money obsessed industry, and popular ideas about being a woman in society.
“We live in a world that’s obsessed with weight loss whether there’s a wedding to plan or not. Everywhere we turn we’re being fed the message that thinner is better and that changing our bodies is the ultimate key to happiness… One thing that the diet industry does sickeningly well is prey on women at times when they are the most susceptible to feeling insecure. There are two moments especially that this is clear as can be: Pre-wedding and post-baby. Both milestones that we’re taught to see as quintessential moments of womanhood… You do not have to lose weight before or after any event in your life. You do not have to lose weight to be beautiful, to be happy, or to be worthy of living the life you want”
That’s what the writer of the article said.
I agree wholeheartedly. Our sense of self worth shouldn’t be based on images put out by the media, or other stereotypes of what ideal beauty should be. “Body positivity” as self love is a gospel we all need to hear.
Since we’re all in agreement on these matters, I guess we can now move on to where I lend my own experience on the matter of “weight” as a man.
The body changes with time after the wedding. This is the same with both men and women on average. Some people remain the same weight until their final days with little effort. The rest of us gain weight steadily over time.
In the spirit of being body positive, so long as we’re feeling good about ourselves and looking good, then all is well.
Unfortunately this ignores some simple practical issues in marriage.
How heavy we are can impact some basic things that we get up to after the wedding… sex, playing with the kids, child care, daily health, and life expectancy.
Some of these things are easier to engage in when we’re healthier (and for some people) lighter. I lost sight of this early in my marriage until the children came along.
Playtime with the children has greatly improved now that my cardio vascular conditioning has gotten better. I can run, dance, throw, push and kick about all over the place with my child now. Bath time isn’t that much of a chore with a stronger back from doing calisthenics.
As for sex? Let’s just say it isn’t easy carrying someone else when you can barely carry yourself… And my doctor says that cardio vascular fitness and weight issues also affect a man’s ability to maintain an erection (in some cases).
No one knows when we’re going to die, but it makes sense to stack the odds in our favour by checking up and meeting all the vitals. These are rough approximations I’ve spoken about here, not iron clad rules.
Heavier set people can also enjoy beautiful sex lives, wonderful play time with the kids, be on top of household chores and also live well into ripe old age.
My thesis is, no man or woman should fell compelled to loose weight before and even after the wedding. We should all love ourselves and be comfortable in our skin.
Self love and positivity are perquisite for success in many areas of life. However, going beyond the wedding day and looking into the MARRIAGE, some of us could benefit from being lighter and healthier in more sustainable ways over the long term.