How to get married “Naija” style – Toke Makinwa

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Iludio

June 3, 2016

On June 3, 2016

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Toke Makinwa is a Nigerian media personality and vlogger. We find the video from Toke Makinwa interesting and one that every Nigerian bride should watch. In the video, she describes marriage as nothing you live to time or chance. Also, marriage is something you have to plan strategically. If you are not married, there is no hope for you (Really??). She goes further to share tips to get you ready so the next man you meet will be your husband.

Watch and pay close attention as she breaks down the 5 steps on how to get married…

FunkeSays, Planning

#FunkeSays: Choosing your service providers – Food Vendors

Posted by

Iludio

May 28, 2016

On May 28, 2016

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This episode of #Funkesays focuses on choosing food vendors. It is very important that you select the right food vendors as a wedding without good food is a disaster. Also, mistakes can be made such that some guests are left without food or the food is served cold.

Here are things to consider when selecting your starter, main course and/or dessert vendors:

Selecting your canapes, starters or small chops vendor(s)

A wedding in Nigeria must have small chops
Find out if the vendor provides food tasting
Will they provide the cutlery, etc.?
How many waiters will be provided?
Do you care about what the waiters wear? Perhaps you might want them to match your theme. If so, let them know on time.
When is the setup time and the closing/departure time? Do they depart after the last guest departs? Do they leave all the food there for guests to still consume?
When do you want the food to be served – at the beginning, during or towards the end?
How many serving stations or food points will they have? Is it 2-point, 3-point, etc.?

Selecting your main course vendor(s)

Same things as for the starter vendor(s) apply
Have a food tasting
Provide the vendor a variety of what you want
Choose your menu according to your event, theme or culture.
How many stations or food points? Is it adequate?
Will they bring the cutlery, chargers, etc.?
Are they going to bring champagne glasses, wine glasses and/or water glasses?
How many waiters will they bring and how are waiters allocated to tables. Ideally a waiter to 2-3 tables?
Is there a menu card so that people can tell the waiter(s) what to serve? It is important to have enough menu cards on the tables.
Is it a plated service or buffet service? For buffet, guests get up for their food and for plated, guests remain seated while served.

Selecting your desserts vendor(s)

Desserts can include waffles, sweet stations, yogurt and fruit desserts.
How many waiters?
What kind of desserts will be served?
Are the items proportional to number of guests? Make sure desserts are enough to go round. Don’t anticipate that many guests will not want dessert.

It is important to communicate effectively. Provide the right date and time to get to the venue. Also, provide the time to serve the food. Sometimes a vendor might go to the venue on the wrong day. Clarify and document every single discussion. Make sure you planner follows up on all the details. If possible, follow up so many times to avoid any mistakes.

Watch the great video to learn more

About #FunkeSays
#FunkeSays is a vlog series from Funke Bucknor–Obruthe of Zapphaire Events and Decor by Furtullah. She is an esteemed event planner in Nigeria and author of “The Essential Bridal Handbook”. She shares information from her handbook via the series. To stay updated, follow @FunkeSaysvlog on Twitter.

FunkeSays, Planning

#FunkeSays: Planning an Intimate Wedding

Posted by

Iludio

May 28, 2016

On May 28, 2016

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Last time, Funke talked about how to plan a destination wedding. This latest episode of FunkeSays covers the topic of small and intimate wedding. You can either want a small and intimate wedding OR a big wedding. Having a small wedding is easier to plan but harder to achieve.

She shares the following practical tips to help accomplish your small wedding:

Be realistic with your goals e.g. number of guests, etc.
Communicate with your family members – make sure they buy into the idea
Design your dream list
Plan and set expectations e.g no additional guests or children.
Choose an unusual time of day or week to reduce guests and even cost.
Cut out non-close friends. Cut out co-workers who are not your friends outside the office. Have an A-list of people who must be at the wedding. Also have a B-list of people who really want to attend and you are not sure you want to invite them.
Divide guest list among your families and try to make it equal.
Send save-the-date invites to only those you want to invite.
Lastly, make the wedding fun and all about family and friends.

Watch the video to get more details

About #FunkeSays
#FunkeSays is a vlog series from Funke Bucknor–Obruthe of Zapphaire Events and Decor by Furtullah. She is an esteemed event planner in Nigeria and author of “The Essential Bridal Handbook”. She shares information from her handbook via the series. To stay updated, follow @FunkeSaysvlog on Twitter.

Planning

Planning the wedding, building the marriage.

Posted by

Tavershima G. Ayede

May 26, 2016

On May 26, 2016

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I mentioned in a previous post that you ought to take advantage of all the avenues available for pre wedding counseling. Some are cultural, some religious, some are ad hoc quickly put together by well meaning uncles and aunts, and some are private arrangements run by certified counselors.

Since I am neither a certified counselor, nor a religious authority I guess this begs the question,

“what does a wedding photographer have to say about building a marriage?”

The answer is

“nothing much”

But I do have some thoughts from my experience as a newly wed groom myself as well as the experiences I’ve garnered in dealing with couples getting ready to walk down the aisle.

Wedding classes? What for? They are too short to make a difference

This is one of the most common objections I hear to any form of pre wedding counseling. The couple has probably been dating for a while, maybe 2 to 4 years, and so they don’t think there is any benefit a few weeks or months of classes can add to their relationship and their knowledge of each other.

Yes marriage classes are short. Sometimes really short!

For the Catholic Church in my parish the classes run for 6 months once a week while in my wife’s former parish they ran for 3 months with classes occurring twice weekly.

Even though this sounds too short to be of any use over the course of a marriage, they can be extremely useful because they help set the context for a marriage and give simple tips to help smooth things out in troubled times.

The roadmap

The classes provide a roadmap for things we can expect to navigate in this journey called marriage. These are things common to a lot of us and things which don’t depend on how well we knew each other while courting or for how long we courted.

The things that happen to us all include children and family planning, budgeting and family finances, conflict resolution and dealing with the extended family, faith and spiritual growth of the family, sexual intimacy, and so on.

These are the things which are common denominators to us all and recurring issues most of us can expect to face time and time again during the course of our marriages. If you look at this way, it then becomes clear why and how you could learn a thing or two even if you and your partner already know each other like the back of your hand.

How can we be sure the classes will be useful?

Volunteers make up the most of the teaching cadre in these programs especially for churches. These are people who have a “spiritual mission” in being there. They are trying to set lives and mend marriages even before cracks begin to develop. Their reward is in heaven so they expect no other incentive to do their job here on earth. Although one instructor in my parish was a published author. He didn’t ask for any of us to buy the books but he had some copies on hand anyway!

Consciously coupling…

The topics of these courses are usually extensive and make us consciously pay attention to matters we glance over while courting.

While my wife and I were dating we spoke about how we wanted our children to be raised, but didn’t discuss “family planning” per se. Our most memorable argument after our wedding class was on the number of children we’d like to have.

She had a number in mind but I thought that family finances and her health would determine how many kids we’d have. It took the marriage classes to show us how we were moving forward with our assumptions and expectations without filling each other in on them.

Budgeting and prayer life were also issues we spoke about from time to time, but it also took the marriage classes for us to start talking about them in a more conscious and more deliberate manner.

Simple tools… The hidden benefit

Marriage prep classes are famous for the “simple tools” and “silver bullets” that come out of them. We have all heard about the “toothpaste divorce” story and about the “please and sorry” recipe for saving a marriage. Then there are also sermons about “compromise” and other such things to make a marriage go along smoother.

The three fingers test

We were introduced to one of such tools in my marriage prep class. This was the three fingers test.

Members of the class went round talking about three things that they absolutely love about their partners. We had some serious things to say and some trivial but we had to draw up our list nonetheless and work through the more weighty ones.

 Why is the exercise important?

The story is tied to the nun who was the facilitator for the retreat and seminar we had during my marriage prep classes. When she was a young sister in Ibadan she witnessed a heart wrenching incident. A woman came into a bus carrying a baby while cursing in Yoruba:

“May he die a painful death!

May his descendants never know peace!!”

An elderly woman tried to intervene:

“Is it the father of this child you are cursing like this? Is this baby not his descendant?

The young mother replied:

“I don’t care, may he get run over by a train and die a painful death!”

Most of the women on the bus tried to get her to calm down while the reverend sisters who were already running late tried to get another vehicle.

They didn’t stay long enough to find out the cause of the rift but it left a strong impression on the young nun. She came from a family where she had witnessed her parents have a similar fight.

 How do things go from good to bad?

The young nun always wondered why and how things could get so bad when the chances are that the couple loved each other very much at some point in time before.

She came up with the three fingers test so that when the big misunderstandings come (and they will come) we will remember that he is also kind, caring and supportive before getting that angry with him. And likewise we will remember that our bride was very welcoming of our family, a dedicated mother and a highly motivational spouse.

In either case if those were your three things, it would help to douse tensions if you have them at the tip of your fingers. It would also put the bitter dispute in perspective in the larger scheme of things so we can start narrowing things down while working towards a solution.

 Done in a few weeks, crafted for a lifetime

Marriage classes are intended to help us for a lifetime even though they don’t last that long. If we attend them with an open mind we could find tools and insights that will help us through the tough times.

Marriage is a beautiful thing but nothing is perfect. Masterpieces take time and conscious effort to build. The cake, decorations and the photographs are only a testament to what we’re going to strive for a life time to build.

Take the classes and start putting in the work. A poorly planned wedding ceremony can be tolerated and even forgotten with time. But a poorly anticipated, and not so well thought out marriage is another question entirely.

Signing off and signing out

As usual, thanks again for reading and stopping by Iludio. We’ll do our best to bring you the best wedding inspiration we can and make this your definitive online wedding guide. We hope to see you soon again and please be sure to get in touch if you have any questions and comments.

PHOTO CREDIT: Ayede Film & Photography

FunkeSays, Planning

#FunkeSays: Planning a Destination Wedding

Posted by

Iludio

May 23, 2016

On May 23, 2016

0

Are you considering a destination wedding? The latest episode of FunkeSays discusses how and why you should plan a destination wedding.

Here are some great reasons for a destination wedding:

A destination wedding can be fun
It can be small and intimate
It can be cheaper given a smaller guest list
It allows your family and friends to plan a mini vacation

She goes on to provide the following great factors to consider:

Location – Can your friends and family get their easily? Do they need visas and how easy can they get them? Is it a place people will want to go or have a mini vacation? What are the flight ticket costs?
Planner – You need to hire a planner either based in that location or from your home country. A planner in that location can get you great deals while a planner from your home country will relate best with your guests.
Travel – You need to arrange travel. It is important to work with airlines or travel agencies for group discounts. Also try to get great deals on hotels.
Insurance policy – What is covered if anything happens such as a hurricane.
Budget – Prepare a budget for the wedding
Communication – Timely Inform friends and family so they can plan ahead.
Legalities – You need to ensure you are covered on the legal side. License for wedding is valid. Check contracts with Vendors e.g. deposit and cancellation policies.
Hospitality – Ensure guests are extremely welcomed. Provide enough information and activities that will be fun.
The Wardrobe – You should consider the weather. Think about the following questions: How do you dress? What is the culture?

Watch the Video to hear from Funke

About #FunkeSays
#FunkeSays is a vlog series from Funke Bucknor–Obruthe of Zapphaire Events and Decor by Furtullah. She is an esteemed event planner in Nigeria and author of “The Essential Bridal Handbook”. She shares information from her handbook via the series. To stay updated, follow @FunkeSaysvlog on Twitter.

FunkeSays, Planning

#FunkeSays: Planning an Intercultural Wedding

Posted by

Iludio

May 20, 2016

On May 20, 2016

0

We are great fans of Funke Bucknor-Obruthe’s series and find her “Funke Says” vlog extremely valuable for brides and grooms. In previous episodes, she shared how to look fabulous for your big day, how to choose colours for weddings, etc. Now she tackles intercultural weddings – the sometimes confusing world of planning a wedding where the bride and groom are from different tribes, or even, countries!

Planning an intercultural wedding can seem difficult. Whose culture prevails? Where do the parents come in? How do you handle things that may be a taboo for one of the families? Who does what? How do you decide?

Here are some tips to help plan such a wedding:

1) Understand the culture – You need to seat down with the elders. Find out what things are considered taboos. Also, what do they like and not like. Ensure they have an open mind and are not judgmental.
2) Learn to compromise – For example, in Ibo culture, the groom pays for the wedding and in Yoruba culture, the bride pays for the wedding. So what happens when an Ibo groom is marrying a Yoruba bride. You can take aspects that you love and infuse into your wedding.
The same applies when marrying someone from a different country. It is very important that you are covered legally.
3) Choose your wardrobe – determine what you are going to wear, that is, your spouse’s cultural wear or yours. A bride could start with her cultural outfit and then change to her spouse’s cultural outfit to show that she has now embraced his culture.

Have an open mind and embrace the good and bad of a culture. No culture is perfect.

Watch the great video to learn more

Next episode, Funke will discuss Choosing Entertainment providers (i.e. Band and DJ). Stay connected

About #FunkeSays
#FunkeSays is a vlog series from Funke Bucknor–Obruthe of Zapphaire Events and Decor by Furtullah. She is an esteemed event planner in Nigeria and author of “The Essential Bridal Handbook”. She shares information from her handbook via the series. To stay updated, follow @FunkeSaysvlog on Twitter.

FunkeSays, Planning

#FunkeSays: Choosing Your Wedding Colours

Posted by

Iludio

May 18, 2016

On May 18, 2016

0

Are you thinking of your wedding colour theme? Funke Bucknor-Obruthe shares awesome tips to help you with the choice. According to her, choosing colours helps with picking outfits, decor, invitations, cake, etc. It is essential to pick the colours early. Here are various ways to choose:

1) Choose an accent colour – First, pick one strong colour e.g. red. Then, pick a neutral colour e.g. white, ivory, gold, silver.
2) Choose 2 different shades of colour – such as green and yellow, blue and red, etc.
3) Choose variations of the same colours – For example, you can have different shades of red. The mood light, flowers, center piece, napkin, etc. can all be different shades of red. Another example, you can decide to have white throughout including white decor.
4) Choose colour based on your personality – If you want bold, you can choose a colour like black. If you are conservative and also romantic, you can choose pale colours.
5) Choose colour based on the season – You can have an autumn or spring look.
6) Choose colour based on interest – Perhaps you love peacocks, sunflowers or the ocean. You can pick yellow for sunflower or blue for the ocean. You can have your bridal train wear variations of the colour(s) that you picked or some colour(s) that are completely different.
7) Choose colours based on trends You may love and want to pick colour(s) trending at the moment. Colours could be teal, yellow, salmon pink, etc.

Watch the great video to learn more

About #FunkeSays
#FunkeSays is a vlog series from Funke Bucknor-Obruthe of Zapphaire Events and Decor by Furtullah. She is an esteemed event planner in Nigeria and author of “The Essential Bridal Handbook”. She shares information from her handbook via the series. To stay updated, follow @FunkeSaysvlog on Twitter.

FunkeSays, Planning

#FunkeSays: Looking Fabulous on Your Big Day!

Posted by

Iludio

May 13, 2016

On May 13, 2016

0

It is time for another great episode of FunkeSays. In this episode, Funke shares awesome tips to help you look fabulous on your wedding day. There are many ways to look fabulous but the focus for this episode is on hair and makeup.

She shares the following:

Tips for Makeup

Source for a professional make-up artist. Have an idea, get a trial and if possible take cloths for that day
Discuss what you want with the make-up artist
Drink a lot of water and eat healthily
Have facial weeks or months before. It helps your skin glow.

Tips for Hair

Source for a good hairstylist.
Find a style that complements your face.
Consider the accessories (veil, tiara, etc) you are going to wear.
Have a test run with the hairstylist and decide when to style your hair.

Tip for the Day Before
Relax and Sleep early

Tip for the Morning Of
Wake up early so you have enough time for pictures. You are relaxed and not rushed.

Watch the great video to learn more

Next episode, Funke will discuss Choosing Entertainment providers (i.e. Band and DJ). Stay connected!

About #FunkeSays
#FunkeSays is a vlog series from Funke Bucknor–Obruthe of Zapphaire Events and Decor by Furtullah. She is an esteemed event planner in Nigeria and author of “The Essential Bridal Handbook”. She shares information from her handbook via the series. To stay updated, follow @FunkeSaysvlog on Twitter.

FunkeSays, Planning

#FunkeSays: How To Make A Wedding Budget

Posted by

Iludio

May 11, 2016

On May 11, 2016

0

Now you are engaged and have your planner, it is time to create your wedding budget. Neither planning a wedding nor setting a budget is not easy.

Following the previous episode How to Compromise When Your Parents Pay, Funke Bucknor-Obruthe shares great tips on How to Make Your Wedding Budget in this episode of FunkeSays.

According to her, you have to:

Decide how many people you are expecting at your wedding. The more people you expect, the more expensive it is.
Determine what kind of budget you want to have. A higher budget provides more flexibility and you can incorporate different items to your wedding.
Create a budget estimate and ensure it is a little bit high and not low where you can’t even do anything.
Talk to a few vendors to determine how much they charge. You can then have a better estimate for the cost for a vendor.
Prioritize the various aspects such as invitation, photo, food, dress and then allocate the budget.

Ultimately, your wedding is all about YOU.

Watch to learn more

About #FunkeSays
#FunkeSays is a vlog series from Funke Bucknor–Obruthe of Zapphaire Events and Decor by Furtullah. She is an esteemed event planner in Nigeria and author of “The Essential Bridal Handbook”. She shares information from her handbook via the series. To stay updated, follow @FunkeSaysvlog on Twitter.

FunkeSays, Planning

#FunkeSays: How to compromise when your parents pay

Posted by

Iludio

May 7, 2016

On May 7, 2016

0

It is time for another episode of #FunkeSays. This time it is about how to get the wedding you want even if your parents or in-laws are paying. Hope you have followed FunkeSays vlog series. If not, you really should.

Funke starts off saying that first ask your parents or in-laws the kind of wedding they want. If you have different visions, then you have to compromise. Furthermore, she suggests that on the wedding day, you can have an area dedicated to your friends and make different provisions for them. For example, you can have different table decor or provide a separate caterer.

She recommends that you pay for some things yourself, as adding to the budget can help you infuse some of what you want. You can have what you want in different ways but must compromise in some areas. You can meet some of the vendors that your parents are hiring and let them know at least what you’ll like.

In life we can’t always get what we want but we can find a way to get some things.

Ultimately, use your gut to select.

Watch the video to learn more

About #FunkeSays
#FunkeSays is a vlog series from Funke Bucknor–Obruthe of Zapphaire Events and Decor by Furtullah. She is an esteemed event planner in Nigeria and author of “The Essential Bridal Handbook”. She shares information from her handbook via the series. To stay updated, follow @FunkeSaysvlog on Twitter.

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